Thursday, February 24, 2011

OK So What, Actually, IS Grain Alcohol?

It was not uncommon for an after party to take place once a show was over, because this entry is about one of those events, I do not remember the date, or the year, or where it was but it seems like Tallmadge Ohio rings a bell.   I am guessing it was before the big "name change" when a small band of 5, one chick and 4 guys called "THE VAPORS" had to change their name because of a band called "THE VAPORS" with a big radio hit titled "I think I'm turning Japanese" or some shit like that.  Anyway....Unit 5 had not been labled as such yet, so The (AKRON) Vapors went to an after party at some point, some year, after some show before they were Unit 5.  I'm probably 18ish, I am a little (literally believe it or not) skinny white girl from Bath Twp. just learning to be a punk rebel fronting a rock band, I no longer tell anyone I am from Bath Twp. I am simply from AKRON.  I no longer wear Jordache and Calvin Klein Jeans...OK I do but I rip them up and cut the labels off.  I remember wearing a green t-shirt to this show (I remember the gig) which I had sliced and put back together with big safety pins, fishnets, knee socks and cut offs.  I have, at this point, fried my longish brown curly hair into a Marilyn Monroe blonde color cut thing but it frizzed and it's overprocessed so it's like half fro, half Marilyn.  So picture created in your mind?  I am the girl no Mom wants to see her son come home with at this point.  Show is over, 2AM, The Vapors as a team (always as a team) head to the party, Mark and Tracey drive together (always as a duo) and I remember walking in to this apartment or duplex kind of thing, upstairs apt.  There is a keg, I am not a beer person, I am to punk to drink wine which is what I would really like to try but no one has wine at these parties anyway, it's a dive and the people are dark and angry (but really happy and normal once you talk to them I guess we are all just creating characters for this assanine play we are performing).  So the good news is, because I don't really drink much, there is punch!  Yay Punch! Punch for the naive little blond chick from Bath Hurray!  I choose...the punch and then, I choose it again because it was great, odd but nice.  My BFF Mark came into the kitchen and asked me what I was drinking, I said simply....punch.  I will not soon forget the look on Mark's face when he grabbed the glass from me, well it was more like a paper cup kind of deal, no glassware here I'm sure of it...Good thing, lots of cutters who would have seized the opportunity to display their craft.  Mark looked at me and said "That's GRAIN alcohol" I said "What's GRAIN alcohol" he told me, and I FREAKED OUT.  The damage was done, I was already dizzy, I had been POISONED and now I am in the midst of a panic attack, my stomach is starting to hurt and my "BATHNESS" is showing, everyone will know I am a fake and a liar, they will know I am SO NOT hardcore and they will know that I want my Mom, NOW!  I don't know if I had ever had a "real" panic attack before that moment, God knows there were hundreds to come in my life but that's a later entry.  The urge to run, is something you can't really fight off, it just happens.  I have run through fields, valleys, malls and homes just to get ahead of the demon that was coming for me, I never get far enough ahead even if I run and run and the demon never really catches me in the physical sense, it just attacks my psyche so now I know to stand still and let it go, when I was 18 I did not I ran and I forgot I was not on the ground floor and in my haste to get to the car so Mark could take me home to my Mom, my house, my dog, my "world" I jumped over the balcony.  I remember thinking that it was taking to long to land on (my feet lol).  Then I remember landing on my back and not being able to breathe because the wind had been knocked out of me.  I assumed it was the death brought on by drinking the punch and while I was entertaining that idea, looking at the sky from my back on the ground... I saw this guy flying...he was flying through the air like a beautiful bird set free from his troubles, then I realized his troubles were just starting, he was Mark and he had jumped after me.  Mark landed and we lay there, on our backs staring at the sky for what seemed like hours.  I...waiting to die of grain alcohol poisoning and Mark, dying because I was way to high maintenence and he really just wanted to end it but he's my best friend and he couldn't do it, so we breathe and walk to the car, limp to the car and again, always and for years to come, decades to come, Mark would drop, not only his body, but his plans, to take me home to Smith Bath Twp.  to my Mom.

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