There are many things I am not proud of, I am not proud of many things, this is one of those "things" that I am sharing. I wish that I could do it differently but alas, it is what it is.
So these "kids" decided to start a petition for Unit 5 to play at St. Vincent St. Mary in Akron, or as it is now known "The High School LeBron James Attended". Somehow they pulled it off and we were going to do our first high school thing. I think the Giffel boys were somehow behind this if I remember correctly, but you would probably have to be an Akron scenester to know the Giffels, David is now a published and incredibly swell author outside of our Akron bubble so I am certain many of you know David Giffels. Well please keep in mind (especially my children who may read this someday) I grew up playing music in bars, or at least it seemed like it, I had an attitude and a "style" that was very appropriate for the day, the time the movement, whatever. In my (18/19ish) teenager brain it did not register, actually not even a little bit, that playing a high school might call for a different attitude, or decorum. It was a gig, I was gonna do what I do, when I do and who I do it to and that was auto pilot for me. My (extremely) Catholic daughter is not going to appreciate this one at all. Well the students were really happy, we were flattered that they picked us and worked so hard to get it all approved. The Unit 5ers were after all, the Osmonds of the punk movement, we were basically really nice, not to drunk or drugged, for the most part, some of the time, and having us play a Catholic school was pretty safe. Why my mouth did not get us permanantly banned from ever entering another high school, I will never know actually, but my clothing choice definitely got us thrown out. If you know me now, you know that I am a perfect example of how much the human body will grow and expand if you let it and you will also know, if you knew me then and now (lucky) that my weight issues have plagued me forever. I have struggled with an eating disorder, of one kind or another most of my existence, beginning at age 14 when I prefered to be exremely skinny. My weight issues were always of the "don't lose to much more" "are you sick you look to thin" kind. It is only the last decade of my life that really has seen me keep to much weight on my body, and ironically it is because my eating disorder has changed it's mind and made me fatter than I want to be, which is funny only to me and my dead Mother, maybe my Sister if she remembers all I went through in fear of gaining a pound or GOD FORBID two pounds. Mark probably remembers God knows he heard me blab about it enough, not unlike I am now doing. Tony would remember, Scott didn't know how bad I was before he was in my life and I was way better by the time he came along but he still thought I was obsessed. Anyway, at that point it was very important to me to look very thin and not unhealthy exactly, but very tired was good, it fit the vibe. I used to think some of the guys in the band looked so cool with dark circles under their eyes, there was a time when I rubbed my mascara so it would smudge underneath because it was a good look in my mind, and well, on my face, I like a lot of things that no one understands. So because I was so "svelte" I was able to make some clothing choices that were extreme and daring and of my own design. I liked to shock people, I wasn't slutty, I was just "odd". For this show at St. V (Catholic High School) I decided I would simply wear a leotard with some ripped up tights and a shirt that was slit all over, color theme, green to show school spirit...duh (Charlie Sheen again). So my school spirit and I, and my band, showed up at the door and we could hear the kids saying "THE BAND IS HERE, THEY ARE HERE, WE CAN SEE THEM" it was so funny, they were really excited and we wanted to go in and meet everyone, the lights were still up a bit and we were waving at everyone. Having heard the commotion at the door one of the Nuns came to greet us and when she saw me she gasped. I of course thought it was my stunning beauty, the contrast of my white skin and my dark lips, eyeliner, smudged mascara, and of course, my incredible outfit that overwhelmed her, I mean, come on...I was a rock star she was a nun, probably hadn't been exposed to the greatness of people like me, much in her life, so I gave her a moment, let her get collected before I hit her with my mega watt big white tooth smile (that years of habitual ice chewing have robbed me of at this point so karma chameleon baby)...everyone said I smiled like Marilyn Monroe so I used it in excess, when I wanted to get my way, I worked the smile or the pouty face, GOD I WOULD HAVE HATED ME if I had known me, but I just recently met me. Well, the smile didn't work, she got over me like lightning, not only was she "over me" she was all up on me and shit (see what I did there). "YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE WITHOUT PANTS ON" "WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS" " ANYONE ELSE IN THIS BAND COME WITHOUT PANTS ON". You leave here until you find some pants and then try again....she pushed me out the door to find pants in downtown Akron at dusk, on a day when I was supposed to be the center of attention, playing for my fans and being adored. Instead I was out the door, on my arse (almost literally) looking for my pride and my pants. Well, fashion statement LOST ON HER, the band freaked and of course, Mark and Mike left with me and we ended up going to Mike's car and I put on his work pants from Skyway and pulled them with a tie so as not to loose them and show my ass which obviously was what I was not supposed to do at a High School (who knew)?
I headed back to the door with my bros, my guys, my family, my friends and I tried SO SO SO hard not to say anything, they asked me not to say anything to just let it go so we could play the show. I knew that was the best choice, of course, but once my feelings were "ruffled" for whatever reason, by whomever, I was in defense mode and hard to "turn off" I would have been a tremendous asset had there been a war on US soil back in the day, just make me sad, and off I run taking down everything in my path, including...it would now appear "Wives of Jesus" himself. I didn't know I was going to spew until I got to the door and saw the evil God Goddess again, the one who shamed me, in front of my people. Well, I like very much to come out on top in a battle of words and such and so I couldn't help myself. I did not yell, I was actually kind of classy, more like a whisper when I looked her in the eye and said "You really need to get laid". It was over in a second, I don't know if she feared me or she ignored it, or if she thought it may be the truth, but I was in and I played my show, and I got my last word and I was the rockingest, bitchiest, you can't touch me rock star girl Akron had ever seen, and I have felt bad about it since the moment it left my mouth 30 some odd years ago....AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME...I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW AM FOUND, WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE.
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